On the bus ride home from office, I ponder about my recent encounter. No audiobook, no music, no podcasts. I don't want to fill the wandering of my mind with chatter. I just want to ponder, in peace. My brain begs me not to drown its monologue and let it unfold.
And so I ponder.
One hour earlier, I was at an office event. A woman comes by me, I introduce myself to her. Next to her, a young boy. Her son, maybe? I introduce myself to him as well. I ask the woman what she does, and after a few exchanges I understand that the young boy is effectively her son and he goes to high school. For a brief moment I wonder what a high school kid was doing at a networking event, but I didn't think much of it and just kept the conversation going.
My attention was mostly directed at the woman. After all, she was experienced and could give me some interesting life and career insights. On the other hand, her kid was still in high school.
At one point, the boy mentions he's a founder. You have my attention now. He says that he co-founded and AI company and his mom tells me he just got into YC. He has been an entrepreneur since he was FOUR YEARS OLD. I realize that my assumption on who was going to be more interesting was wrong. 17 years old? I am 6 years older than him and all of a sudden felt like a baby.
The bus makes a sharp right, taking Haight street.
I have mixed feelings. A slight unease is the most prominent one. I feel like I haven't done anything in my life, which is obviously not true. Then a mix of ambition and anxiety emerges. Ambition because this guy is living proof that you don't have to wait for the right moment to launch projects, and do really cool stuff. Anxiety because I wouldn't know what to do. There are too many choices, and I have the tendency to get obsessed with things to then drop them a few months later, which is obviously not where I want an entrepreneurial project to end up. So I just do nothing. Which is the worst thing. I get paralyzed by the possibilities and do not take any action. I get trapped in a maze of what ifs and irrational fears.
A woman is sitting in front of me, her kid next to her. I've seen her before, on this bus. I'm great at remembering faces, names not so much.
If there is one thing I want to get better at, that is agency. This Substack is a step towards it, but the road is long ahead. I feel like I have so many ideas, projects, ambitions, and for some time they feel exciting. But I never do anything about it. After a while ideas get stale, they lose their appeal. I give myself some excuse not to go forward with them, or I find something that seems more interesting. It's a mix of shiny object syndrome and decision paralysis. Basically I don't know what to do. I feel like any choice might turn out not to be the best in terms of opportunity cost and end up not making any choice. HOW FUCKING DUMB.
As my stop approaches, I calm down. A new feeling emerges. I feel grateful.
Grateful because I have the luck to be in a place where I can have these encounters, where people that are still going through puberty can inspire me. I realize that everyone is on their path, and there is no race. We were all born and brought up under different conditions, so it's ok to be "behind". Behind doesn't exist. I realize that it's stupid to think that just because I have never been an entrepreneur before I turned 23, I can't become one now. That is true today, and it will be true when I turn 30, not just about entrepreneurship, but about any personal endeavour I decide to challenge myself with.
I get off the bus, and start walking home. Now my mind is calm but I still don't want to put my airpods in. In an effort to recollect my thoughts and put them in order, I reach my door. I'm happy because I have something to write about tonight.
P.S. I just launched a new Substack called The Venture Apprentice. Inside I will share my journey as a junior venture capitalist, and cool startup stories. If you’re into that kind of thing I’d love to have you as a reader.
P.P.S. I am going bouldering with the young boy from this essay next weekend. He’s super nice and hopefully I’ll learn a ton from him!
Amazing story Alberto - great